Mourning
by Azulastalker
Summary: Ian gets bailed out from jail. Now he must face the reality of Shaw's death, and he's not handling it well. An old friend tries to console him. Ian/OC
1. Chapter 1

"I'm sorry."

Ian moved his gaze from out the window to the bed in the dark hotel room, the only light coming from streetlights outside. Ella sat up, in her nightgown, staring at him. Her eyes showed empathy. Ian raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry for what?" He asked her, keeping his body turned towards the window.

"I'm not sure. I can just tell something bad happened. And I'm sorry." She explained. She kept his gaze, determined to not let him slip away from the conversation.

He didn't say anything and turned back to the window, his arms crossed over his bare chest. He stared out into the night again, as he had been for almost an hour. Ella waited a few seconds before she spoke again.

"Really? I bail you out of jail, and this is the thanks I get? I even did it legally, well somewhat legally, so the FBI wouldn't be up our asses. Talk to me. Tell me what happened." She urged. A few more moments of silence passed. "Where's Shaw? Ian, tell me what happened to Shaw."

Ian's fingers tightened over his bicep at the mention of the name. He didn't shift his gaze. Ella grew impatient.

"Tell me something! What the bloody hell happened! You won't move from that window! You won't talk to me! Ian!" She threw a pillow at him. It hit him square in the back.

There was a few tense moments of silence between them. Ella had grabbed another pillow and was about to shout at him again when he spoke.

"Shaw's dead. He fell. It was an accident. And it was all my fault." He said slowly, for the first time saying it aloud.

"Oh, Ian." Ella stood from the bed and walked over to him. She placed her chin on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Ian didn't response, instead focused on a piece of paper across the street, floating in the breeze. It twirled and danced, abandoned and alone. He shifted his gaze from the paper down to Ella. Her eyes held sympathy for him. She hugged him from where she stood, her arms barely wrapping all the way around his body.

"What do you want to do? Find those people who sent you to jail and con them out off all they have? Tell all of Shaw's old friends where they live and let them go at them? Kidnap them? Torture them? Put a couple bullets through their heads? What will help you heal?" Ella said softly.

Ian looked back out the window. That paper was nowhere to be seen.

"Nothing." He said.

He broke from her grasp and walked back over to the bed and laid down. He rolled over and went to sleep. Ella sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She thought she had been making so much progress. She shut the blinds on the window before laying down in bed. She kissed Ian's cheek and hugged him from behind, falling asleep in that position.


	2. Chapter 2

_Ian was back under the church again. Shaw had just fallen through the floor._

_"Oh god, Shaw!" He heard himself say._

_Ian heard the sound of wood breaking again and the scream of a person. He thought his nightmare was repeating over and over again when he realized the sound was coming from across the dark hole and the scream was definitely female. He turned his head to see Ella across the way, falling to her death as well._

"No!"

Ian sat up in bed, breathing heavily. Ella stirred beside him. Just a dream. It was only just a dream. Thank god. He wiped his forehead and felt the wetness that had formed there. He needed to calm down. He needed to relax. Ella looked up at him.

"Are you okay?" She asked and put her hand on his arm.

He looked into her eyes. What was this? He'd never been so weak before. She'd never been the strong one before.

Before.

Their relationship before. When he had treated her terrible, only using her for sex and hitting her every once in a while, when he had a drink or two or had gotten a bit too angry. When he'd given her no sign that he liked her for anything other than her body. When he would ignore her when they weren't having sex or when he and Shaw would mock her for fun. He remembered it well. She didn't need to stay though. She could've left at any time, and she did a couple of times. But she'd always come back to him. She'd always say that she needed him.

Ian turned his gaze to Ella's lips.

He'd never admit it, but he had needed her too. Shaw had been the first one to figure that out. When he would drop whatever or whoever he was doing when she came around for sex, Shaw had put the pieces together and he had denied it. But he knew it was true. He knew his best friend was right. Those times when she would leave were the worst for him. He'd tell himself he'd never lay a hand on her again because one day he would hit her and she'd leave and never come back. And it would destroy him. But here, in this hotel room bed, he had a chance to change forever.

"Ian." He heard her voice say.

He had drifted off into his thoughts. He looked down at the hand on his arm. If this had been before the death of his best friend, when he wasn't so emotionally distraught, he would've shoved her off of him. He looked into her eyes again.

"I'm fine." He said, placing a hand on hers.

She smiled. "Okay."


End file.
